Taking a step back

I'm so excited to get my first comments!  But it made me realize that my kind of rambly thoughts probably need to be better organized if other people are actually reading them.  It also made me realize that in the last two years of reading other people's blogs, I have never commented on any of them.  I wanted to, I guess I just always figured it didn't really matter if I commented or not.  Now I realize how foolish that idea was.  So I have to apologize to all of the wonderful people whose blogs kept me going in the last few years, I owe you many, many comments.

I also realized that I just kind of jumped right in on the posts with the assumption that if people were interested enough, they would read more info about me on my pages.  So please, read my pages!  That way hopefully you'll have some idea what I'm talking about.  In an attempt to retrace my steps a little bit though, let me tell you about why I'm wonderfully ordinary.

Whenever I meet people, and introduce myself, Hubby, and Bean, I always have this urge that I have to suppress to blurt out to people what we went through to have Bean.  I know it would make me completely socially inept, but I feel like you don't really know us until you know that about us.  Because just looking at us, we seem so normal and ordinary.  We seem like the typical all american family, even with the dog and the white fence, but I feel anything but typical, mostly because I felt so broken for so long.  I didn't work for part of the time that we were going through fertility treatments (which is another story) and when people found out that I wasn't working, but I didn't have kids, I think they thought I was some kind of freak or lazy or something.  I once again wanted to just say something like "I'm not working because I'm infertile and for me, making a baby is a full time job."  Once again, not okay.  Anyway, all I wanted and wished for during that time was to be ordinary.  To have that wonderful, ordinary life.  And now we do, and I feel deliriously lucky.  But I also know that we really aren't ordinary and so I remind myself time and again when I meet someone for the first time, or start to make my own idea of what someones life is like, that I really have no idea.  To them, I look completely ordinary (yay!) and to me, I'm always looking for the extraordinary.