Tuesday, September 27, 2011

It's official

I started weaning Bean yesterday.  My plan was to start this toward the beginning of August and we were down to just nursing twice a day then (before nap time and bedtime) and then she got strep throat, twice.  So all the sudden we were back to nursing four times a day and I realized recently that it's actually interfering with her sleep at this point instead of helping.  Up until now I think I was having a hard time weaning her because I felt like it was for me, so that we could start trying to have another baby, and I felt a little guilty, but now I see that it's really going to benefit her and so I started yesterday with a renewed conviction.

It went about how I expected.  Not good.  I had already gotten Bean back to nursing just 3 times a day, and I decided to drop her nap time nursing next.  So I took her to the park yesterday morning to tire her out and instead she just wanted me to hold her.  She was already sad by the time we got home and it didn't get any better.  There was a lot of crying on her part and feeling bad on my part, but she went to sleep.  This morning I did a much better job of making her tired and happy (a trip to the pet store never disappoints) and she actually went to sleep without a single tear!  I actually have hope that this may actually happen and that hopefully it won't be as painful as I had thought.  Or, today could be a fluke and the rest of the week will be a nightmare.  Either way I'm thrilled that we had at least one day where things went well.  Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A loooong weekend

I'm not feeling too great.  We went to my parents this weekend to help again with what has turned into a massive effort to get their house cleaned out and ready to go on the market so that they can move close to us.  We've been working on this for over a year at this point.  And I'm exhausted.  I don't feel like I can go into all of the details here, but I feel like a lot of responsibility is being placed on my shoulders.  A lot of things that could be handled elsewhere, are being put on my plate, and I'm starting to feel more then a little worn out, and honestly, a little resentful.  I need a break.  On top of all that, my parents house has gotten to be too much for them.  They can't keep up, and it shows.  The amount of dust that has taken up residence with them, is incredible.  And my allergies can attest to that.  I started feeling crappy a couple hours after we got there, and I'm still feeling it now.  Their house literally made me sick.  It's heartbreaking in a lot of ways.

It's also hard to want to take Bean there.  Every time we go there's so much work to be done, so one of us ends up trying to keep her entertained among the chaos while the other one works, works works.  My parents seem to have no idea how to help with her, so we can only get half as much done as we're capable of.  It's frustrating.   And I feel like if their house is making me sick, it could be doing the same to Bean.  I want her to have a relationship with her grandparents, but I also wanted to get her out of there as quickly as possible.  I still have that little part of me that is that little kid who just wants to sit in a corner and say "it's not fair!"  Family should be easy, trips to grandma and grandpa's should be fun, it shouldn't be like this.  Then I remember that I'm an adult, and that yes, life isn't fair, and that's just the way it is.  Everyone has their challenges, and right now this is part of mine.  So I'll figure it out, and try to keep Bean on the fringe of all of it the best I can.

The good part about this trip was that I finally carved out a little time for Bean to have fun.  When I was in high school, I worked at our local children's museum and I managed to find time for us to take Bean there before we came back home.  She's a little shy, so it took her awhile to warm up and get into it, since there were kids around she didn't know, but once she did, she had a lot of fun.  It was the perfect ending to a not so perfect trip, and I'm really glad that we managed to do it.  I felt guilty that I wasn't using that time to help my parents, but I did the best that I could, and that's all I can do.

So hopefully life will go back to normal for awhile.  Bean and I will hopefully both feel better soon, we don't have any trips planned for awhile, and hopefully we can finally get moving on weaning.  I feel like we've had setback after setback in that department, and I'm ready to really push ahead.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Jumping through hoops

Well, I finally decided to take Bean to the doctor today and found out that she has strep throat.  Again.  This is the second time in less then a month.  And the last time it wasn't so much fun recovering.  The antibiotic gave her some digestive problems and even though I tried pumping her with yogurt, it didn't do the trick.  She didn't sleep well for the whole ten days and only wanted her mama.  I was exhausted by the end.  So the idea that it's starting all over again, is hard to imagine for several reasons.  The lack of sleep and how sad I feel that she's sick again, and I didn't know how badly until now.  Her doctor gave me some tips though so hopefully the recovery won't be so bad this time.  I do realize that I'm very luck that all she has is strep throat and am thankful for that.

What's really frustrating though is that our pediatrician recommended that both hubby and I (and pup pup interestingly) get tested to be sure we aren't carriers since Bean has had strep so close together.  So we called our doctor to go get a strep test and they won't give us a same day appointment (or an appointment before three weeks from now) unless we're sick. We explained the situation several times and were told to call back tomorrow and say that we're sick, even though we aren't, and we'll get an appointment for tomorrow.  I think this is pretty ridiculous.  Why is it so hard to try to get someone to help you avoid getting sick instead of just getting better when you are sick???  I just want to be sure I don't keep reinfecting my daughter again and again and I either have to wait three weeks or lie?  Ugh, health care, why are you so backwards???

Monday, September 12, 2011

Not enough time in the day

I've been having a hard time finding time to write lately.  I've spent time every day in the last week on the phone with my parents trying to figure out how to help them in the situation they're currently in.  Their house isn't flooded and the roads around them are starting to reopen, but they still don't have power, so I'm their source of information.  They are doing fine, much better then they think they are.  I can imagine how frustrating it must be, but from here I can see how devastated so many people in the area are.  They are very lucky to have their home untouched.

On top of that Bean is sick again.  I'm not totally sure what's wrong.  She has a fever and yesterday was not herself at all.  Lethargic, fussy, not hungry.  Today seems better but the fever is still sticking around.  So I'm keeping an eye on her for now.  Hopefully it's just a little virus that will run it's course.  I can see her wiggling around in her crib right now so I doubt I have much more time to finish my thoughts.  She doesn't seem to sleep for more then an hour anymore during the day, no matter when her nap is or how much she sleeps at night.  I can tell she needs more sleep, but I'm not sure how to make that happen.  So we just keep working on it.

I'm hoping to have more time soon to put my thoughts together.  I have a lot of half started posts that I want to have time to finish and get up.  I just have to convince Bean to give me some time to do it!  And I apologize for not checking in more with everyone else lately.  I'm trying!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Dibble Dibble Dop

Well, it's still raining around here.  We've been reading a lot of "Mr. Brown Can Moo" and Bean says "dop" a lot, which is part of his rain noise.  I know it hasn't been that long, but it feels like it's been raining for weeks.  I can't remember the days when we played outside all afternoon and Bean went to bed happy and tired.  It feels different around here and I'm so ready to have our yard not be a pond.

I realize though, that we are actually quite lucky.  My parents are currently stranded at their house because flood waters have blocked any exit route.  They aren't in danger of getting flooded, but they don't have power and the entire community around them is suffering.  It's difficult to see all the places of my childhood covered by water.  I haven't seen photos of the place that hubby and I got married and my hope is that means it's stayed dry.  I cannot imagine what it must be like.

I saw photos of an elementary school surrounded by water today and my heart was breaking for those teachers and kids.  I know how much of myself I put into my classroom, both through effort and money out of my own pocket.  I can't imagine how difficult it would have been to watch it all wash away.  My boxes of teaching things are currently occupying our basement, where we saw some water this last week.  I was worried that they might have been damaged and that I would have lost some things.  Now I realize that I'm lucky to have what I have, a few damaged items aren't going to be the end of the world.

And I realize that my muddy back yard isn't so bad, although I would love one day without rain just to remind me what it's like.  I could use a little something to lift the gray skies around here.  Hopefully it's right around the corner.  Until then we're going shopping to get Bean a good pair of boots.  I can't tell you how excited she is about that prospect.  All she talks about is being able to go "ashi" (which means outside) again more regularly.  I'm pretty excited about it too.  Hopefully all of you are seeing clear skies, dry basements, and sunny days ahead.

On an unrelated note, things are starting to get back to normal as far as sleep goes around here.  It took Bean a long time to get back to herself after having strep and being on that antibiotic, but she's back.  Unfortunately she's got some pretty bad teething pain, so we only had a few really good nights of sleep, but it's still much better.  So my efforts to wean are going to start this weekend.  I'll let you all know how it goes!