So close

We went in for our ultrasound today and everything was looking great.  Our baby had a strong heartbeat, was giving us some beautiful views of how wonderful s/he is, and in general looked magnificent.  There was a song playing on the radio in the background that just made me think that I needed to leave my worry behind, in that office.  That I needed to just walk away and be happily pregnant.

Then the doctor came in and told us that our baby looks beautiful and everything looks fantastic, except.  Ah, that wonderful word.  Except that my uterine arteries, which are supposed to open up to allow lots of blood to flow to the baby during pregnancy, somehow didn't get the memo.  So they aren't opening up like they should and there isn't as much blood getting down there as there should be.  For now, I have to take a low dose aspirin everyday and then I go back to the perinatologist again for my 20 week ultrasound instead of going to the OB.  He says in many cases this corrects itself by then.  But it doesn't always.  So if it doesn't then I'd be on a strict ultrasound schedule to make sure that the baby is okay and is growing well.  I didn't ask what happens at that point, if the baby isn't growing well, because I have a pretty good idea.  There isn't much they can do if a baby isn't growing well inside you except to deliver.  Sometimes I wonder if all my worrying creates actual things for me to worry about.  Like somehow the universe says "well hell, she's going to worry anyway, lets give her something to worry about!"  Stupid me.

The rest of the visit was pretty good.  I talked to the doctor about lots of things my OB is clueless about.  My MTHFR for one.  He advised me to either get my homosistene level checked or just start taking B12 and B6.  Since it won't hurt to do that, I'm going to just take the B12 and B6.  It will make me feel better in the long run.  And he told me that because of my PCOS I should get tested for gestational diabetes earlier, which nobody mentioned to me before.  He also told me that I needed to have my thyroid checked every 4-6 weeks (I have hypothyroidism) instead of once a trimester like my OB said.  And he confirmed that I can stop taking my progesterone suppositories.  The RE told me to ask my OB when to stop, the worthless OB at the group that I saw last time told me my RE should have told me when to stop, so I planned on just going until the end of the first trimester which is when I stopped with Bean.  Of course that's almost here and I was nervous about it, but the doctor today said all is well.  I mostly believe him.

It felt good to talk to somebody who knew what they were talking about (or at least put on a good show).  It's not that I don't trust my OB's (well, the worthless one I don't trust), it's just that they don't see all this stuff like the perinatologist does.  I mention MTHFR to them and they're pretty clueless.  I mention it today and he asks me which type I have.  It's a relief to talk to someone who gets it.  So I'm kind of relieved to go back there, but I'm not feeling good about the fact that I actually have a reason to go back there.  Before the doctor came in I was talking to hubby saying how I needed to get myself together because here I am all anxious and worrying and then I see women in the waiting room who clearly come here for all of their visits, because they actually have a reason too, and it makes me thankful.  Now I might be one of those women.  And I know that it could very well end up all being okay, but I can't help being scared and wishing that I could go back to worrying for no reason, because right now that seems pretty good.