Sunday, July 1, 2012


I've been struggling with clothes.  At home I happily wear things that show off my obviously growing belly.  It certainly is growing earlier this time then last, and while it's easiest to blame the hyperstimulation, I think the fact that I never lost the last 5 pounds or so of my baby weight from Bean probably has a lot to do with it too (or maybe it was 10 pounds, if I'm being totally honest here which I should).

Anyway, I'm struggling when I go out.  I'm not ready tell the world at large that I'm pregnant. I'm 9 and a half weeks and I haven't seen our little one in almost two weeks.  The longer it goes, the more I worry that something has happened and I have no idea.  In two weeks we'll get to check on things in there again, but until then, I'll be nervous.  Anyway, back to the point.  I have about 4 outfits that I feel like make me look chubby and not pregnant.  I wear them a lot.  Anytime I leave the house.  And the pants, that situation is really starting to get dire.  So yesterday I went and tried on lots of pants/shorts/capris.  I tried to stay in the normal people department.  Why can't the world get on board with more elastic waistbands???  Come on.

Anyway, that wasn't happening so eventually I found myself in the maternity department, trying on some underbelly shorts and they were, so very wonderful.  I didn't want to buy them, I really didn't.  I feel like it's way to early to be making such a purchase.  But I'm desperate here so I bought two pairs.  They're still in the bag with the tags on.  I want desperately to wear them but am so afraid I'm asking for heartbreak.  Why can't I just go with it?  Why do I have to be so freaking nervous and worried all the time?  I know why, but sometimes I do wish it was different.

1 comment:

  1. I know it's so hard not to be afraid and not feeling like you are jinxing yourself. In this community, with all of the struggles, it's so hard to relax and have a "normal" pregnancy. Hugs! I pray for a healthy and happy 30 more weeks for you and your little one.