Jinx

I've been struggling with clothes.  At home I happily wear things that show off my obviously growing belly.  It certainly is growing earlier this time then last, and while it's easiest to blame the hyperstimulation, I think the fact that I never lost the last 5 pounds or so of my baby weight from Bean probably has a lot to do with it too (or maybe it was 10 pounds, if I'm being totally honest here which I should).

Anyway, I'm struggling when I go out.  I'm not ready tell the world at large that I'm pregnant. I'm 9 and a half weeks and I haven't seen our little one in almost two weeks.  The longer it goes, the more I worry that something has happened and I have no idea.  In two weeks we'll get to check on things in there again, but until then, I'll be nervous.  Anyway, back to the point.  I have about 4 outfits that I feel like make me look chubby and not pregnant.  I wear them a lot.  Anytime I leave the house.  And the pants, that situation is really starting to get dire.  So yesterday I went and tried on lots of pants/shorts/capris.  I tried to stay in the normal people department.  Why can't the world get on board with more elastic waistbands???  Come on.

Anyway, that wasn't happening so eventually I found myself in the maternity department, trying on some underbelly shorts and they were, so very wonderful.  I didn't want to buy them, I really didn't.  I feel like it's way to early to be making such a purchase.  But I'm desperate here so I bought two pairs.  They're still in the bag with the tags on.  I want desperately to wear them but am so afraid I'm asking for heartbreak.  Why can't I just go with it?  Why do I have to be so freaking nervous and worried all the time?  I know why, but sometimes I do wish it was different.