Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I forgot how exhausting it is to worry so much. To be uncertain of what's ahead. I have worried since Bean was born, but not as much in this way and not along with the feeling that I have no control over the situation. I've reverted back to things I used to do three years ago when we were still trying to get pregnant. I've lost motivation to do things I want to do. I don't really have a huge desire to talk to the people in my life that I care about and that care about me. It worries me a little bit because I thought I would be able to handle all this differently this time. And if this just related to my ability to have more babies, I still feel like I would be able to. I'm worried about more then that though. About my health in general, although my doctor has given me no reason to. I have worn myself out with worry and all I want to do is sleep. I am so very thankful that this test is happening tomorrow and that I will hopefully have some answers. I can deal with situations much better once I know what I'm tackling. This not knowing part is what I have trouble with. So I'm hoping that tomorrow will go smoothly. I'm not too worried about the actual test, although maybe I should be more. I kind of figure it can't be worse then the dye test that I had years ago. I just want it to be over, and to know what's ahead. Oh, and to snuggle Bean and just be a mama again. I also, want to stop bleeding. That would be nice too. Thank you all for your support and well wishes. Here's hoping I'm just being a worrier once again.
Posted by Ordinary Girl at 7:23 PM