I caved

So I realize it was just one more day, but I caved this morning and asked my nurse if I could come in today because I was feeling nervous about the hyperstimulation.  Last night I started noticing the fact that I was working harder to take deep breaths.  It was still happening when I woke up this morning and it freaked me out.  So I talked to the nurse and she told me to come in.

I had to sit around for awhile and wait for the doctor to free up, but once she did it was SO worth it.  First of all, she took a look and said that I am full of fluid and my ovaries are three times bigger then they're supposed to be, but she's not worried at this point.  She gave me some things to do, told me it might get worse before it gets better (eek!), and generally alleviated my fears.  She also saw one beautiful gestational sac.  She said she thought she saw a yolk sac but she wants me to come back in on Monday just to confirm it.  They ran my blood work again and all that looked fine and it was rising just like it should.  I didn't ask for the beta number this time because I trust them and I don't want to make myself crazy.

Yes, I probably could have waited until tomorrow and I may have overreacted, but I feel like a totally different person.  As I was putting Bean down for her nap I was thinking about why I was so fixated on worrying about multiples even though it was so unlikely and why I wasn't worrying more about miscarriage even though that's more likely (and still is possible).  Part of it was the hyperstimulation, it did take me by surprise and freak me out.  But I think what I was doing was trying to fixate on anything but miscarriage.  I've been down that road, right around this time in my first pregnancy, and I'm still pretty scared about the possibility.  At least when I was fixating on the idea of multiples it involved there still being babies.  Somehow it's easier to focus on a lot of babies then no babies.

Now that multiples are off the table, all I have left to worry about is getting through the first trimester.  Then the second, and the third.  You know the drill.  One day at a time.  Today I got my first picture of our new little baby and that made today amazing.