Friday, April 20, 2012

My first attempt at greater honesty

So normally I wouldn't write this post.  I'd think about this morning all day in my free moments because it really annoyed me, but I'd wait until hubby got home, or one of my girlfriends called, and unload it on them instead.  But in an effort to bring more of myself to my blog, I'm going to tell you about it instead.

This morning Bean and I went to story hour at the library.  We haven't been in awhile and I was really looking forward to going even though our friends who go wouldn't be there today.  Our children's librarian is amazing.  She always has fun stories and songs for the kids and then some kind of activity for them to do.  Today I was so excited because she had big boxes of dirt and everybody got to plant seeds and take them home to watch them grow.  Bean and I have read lots of books about things growing and gardens in preparation for planting our own, so I knew she'd be excited.  What surprised me though was how grumpy most of the other parents were about it.

First of all, one of the strangest things about our story hour is that most of the parents dress their kids like they're going to church or something.  They all are dressed up and I'm not sure why.  Is it to show off, for fun, or is that the kind of thing they wear everyday?  Bean was there in her little leggings and short sleeved top.  She had a grass stain on her knee, and to be honest, I could care less.  Anyway, most of the parents today seemed annoyed that there kids might get dirty and that they might get dirty with them.  If they let them plant seeds at all, they just swooped in, got it done super fast, and got out of there as quickly as they could.

It reminded me of the time our awesome librarian took the time and effort to get cardboard boxes for every kid that they could decorate and make into a car.  She set up roads through the library with signs and we got to push them all around and pretend they were driving.  It was so much fun!  At least I thought so. There was a lot of complaining that day too and a lot of parents left their cars behind so they wouldn't have to "deal with them" at home, as their kids screamed all the way out the door.

On top of the dirt situation today, what irked me in general was just the attitude that I kept hearing from different people.  Complaints about this part of parenthood or that.  There was a mom there who hadn't been before who had twins.  I heard so many of the other moms tell her they didn't know how she did it.  That they would have to be on anti anxiety drugs if they had two kids at once.  They were describing this terrible situation and it just made my heart hurt.  For them, for their kids, and for this poor woman.  Undoubtedly it's hard having multiples, but why doesn't it ever jump to anyone's mind that it could be rewarding as well??

I was so frustrated by the general attitude in the room that we took off early.  And this is a feeling I end up having often.  I've tried a couple moms groups and every time I just don't feel like I belong.  I totally agree that motherhood, parenthood, is hard.  I have had my moments of frustration and exhaustion where all I can do is just sit down and cry.  But I also realize what an incredible gift I've been given.  I know try to seize every moment with Bean because I know that this could be my only child and I may never get to have these moments, at this age again.  I am so incredibly aware everyday of the fact that I'm an infertile mama and that if things had gone a different way, I might still be waiting and hoping to be one.

I realize that it's unrealistic to ask everyone in the world to get it, to understand what I feel like.  I guess I just have a hard time swallowing it when all I hear is the difficulties associated with being a parent, because while it is the most difficult thing I have ever done (both in the journey to get here and beyond) it is also by far the most rewarding.  I wouldn't trade a single second.  And I have a hard time surrounding myself with people who don't feel the same way.  I guess in the end that's my problem not theirs.  But I still haven't really figured out how to be part of groups like this.  And to be honest, there are many days like today where I wonder if I even want to.  I mostly do it for Bean and watching her today planting her seeds, watering them, and carefully bringing them home, it made it worth it.  Even if I am still feeling annoyed well after it's all over.

10 comments:

  1. First of all, what a cool librarian you have. I bet she too is frustrated with the grumpiness of the other parents. As for the other parents. It seems sometimes as if some parents just want a doll to dress up and look at instead of getting down on the floor with their child and experiencing life with them. That's sad and I feel sorry for their kids. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job as a parent and I am glad Bean had a fun time planting her seeds! She will remember these times and be so grateful she had an awesome mom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the kind words Leigh! I feel so lucky to have found the library we go to and see all the amazing things she's doing for kids. I feel sorry for those kids too.

      Delete
  2. I totally agree with you. I wrote a post about an article I had read that people were posting all over Facebook in which the general theme was "I can't wait until my kid is asleep." The people who had no trouble conceiving or sort of had an "oops" when they were wanting to wait a little longer to have kids were the ones who really supported the author of the article. It's just unimaginable to me to sort of wish the day with my little guy away. I try (although I admit I don't always succeed) to cherish every moment with him, good or frustrating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by Cindy! I think I know EXACTLY what you're talking about from Facebook. My Brother-in-law jumped on that band wagon and it made me feel kind of ill. I think there are always moments as parents where we need a break, and sleep is certainly a way for that to happen, but to use the words and descriptions that I saw to describe those situations, is heartbreaking to me. Even if it is supposed to be all in good "fun."

      Delete
  3. That is a cool librarian! I love that my girls love to play in the dirt. And---whatever they wear, I want them to be able to play freely in it.

    I get the: "Your hands are full" type of comments ALL the time, and I always respond with something along the lines of, "Yes, full of good things!"

    I never, never want my girls to hear me bitching about being their mama. It's hard, sure. There are certainly times when I cry into a glass of wine at the end of the day, b/c it was a hard day. BUT---my girls are treasures. I don't love every moment of parenting, but I love being a parent, and I want my talk around them to affirm that for sure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Julia, I actually thought of you when I was at the library and heard what people were saying! Good for you for saying something in return. I felt so bad for the mom with the twins and wanted to jump in and talk to her just to get her out of that situation.

      Delete
  4. I hate it too that nowadays children are seen as an inconvenient disruption of adult life. And they are expected to do loads of stuff too early. And they are to be contained, instead of letting them explore, discover life and all its wonders.
    I would have given up a long time ago if I had been that librarian. Lucky you, she is not me and she still comes up woth amazing stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mina, I agree with you completely. I honestly think the reason that our librarian does it is because she knows that some of those kids wouldn't have those kinds of experiences otherwise. Because even though they might complain and do it as fast as possible, I haven't seen one parent yet who has refused to participate at all. Otherwise I can't imagine how she deals with all the negativity! And yes, I feel very lucky to have found her.

      Delete
  5. I love your librarian! I love it when bug gets her hands dirty. Daycare apologized once for how dirty she was when I picked her up and I laughed, I want her to get dirty and have fun!

    It is hard to be a parent, and admittedly some days when bug is a pill I can't wait for bedtime. But always, 20 minutes after she's asleep I miss her. She's the light of my life and I want to do my best by her, not just have a doll to dress up or a mini me to live out my dreams. I want her to be her own person and have fun while doing it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love our librarian too and I love it when Bean gets dirty too, most of the time :) I've had my moments where I go, hmmm, wasn't prepared for that, but then parenthood is full of that! Bean on the other hand isn't as excited about getting dirty. She kind of repeats "Getting dirty is fun" over and over trying to convince herself the whole time.

      Delete