My heart hurt today. This happens to me often. Times during the day when I pause for a moment and watch whatever Bean is doing and my heart feels so big and full of love that it doesn't feel like there is room in my chest for it. I mean, I always feel full of love for her, but sometimes it's just so palpable. I can't help but be overwhelmed by it for a moment, or longer.
This afternoon it was in the back yard. Ever since Easter when we had an egg hunt, she's wanted to keep the empty eggs and her basket close at hand so that I can hide the eggs for her and we can recreate the events from Easter, minus the delicious treats inside the eggs. This isn't the easiest venture because I'll hide a bunch of eggs while she closes her eyes, but then she wants more and more eggs to keep appearing. So she brings the eggs she finds back to the big bowl that we store them in and goes to find more. I then fill my pockets with the found eggs and walk around the yard trying to hide them. The problem is that she follows me all around. So it usually involves her bending over to pick up an egg and me chucking as many eggs as I can in the opposite direction while she's doing it. Sometime she sees them flying through the air but instead of saying anything about my lack of subtleness, she just goes "AHH!" with excitement and runs off in pursuit.
I love every second. She has SO much fun and it's just such an example of her life right now. So simple in a way, and full of joy and discovery. I was watching her today run across the yard to an egg just completely in the moment and happy and loving life. And my chest started to get that feeling that it gets, where I just feel full to overflowing. The tears start to come to my eyes and I just can't believe that I'm so blessed. I can't believe she's mine and that she's so amazing and that I get to be her mama. I know her life is going to get more complicated and the simple joys won't be quite so simple in the future, and I just want to take a snapshot of this moment for her. I want her to remember what it looked like, what it felt like, and what makes it so special. What makes her so special. I'm rambling, I know I'm rambling. I don't have a point really. I just feel, lucky. So very lucky to be able to love her.