Saturday, October 1, 2011

Finding our way

Well, it's been almost a week and we've officially dropped our nap time nursing.  It went better then I expected and I'm ready to take on the next one, although it will mean less sleep for me, which will be tough to take.  I guess what I'm having a hard time with is that Bean used to love getting ready for a nap or for bed, and now she's not anymore.  She used to run to her nursery and climb into the glider for us to snuggle, and now she fusses and says she's tired but doesn't want to get ready for her nap.  I've tried switching our routine around, making her warm sippies of milk (which I discovered that she HATES), cuddling in the glider with her favorite books and lovies, anything that I can think of to make her feel happy, and so far no luck.  I need to figure out a new routine that works for us, and the sooner the better.  So we'll see what I can come up with next.

One of the really nice things about this week was that I allowed myself to push aside all of my other responsibilities and focus solely on Bean.  I tried to make each morning filled with fun activities to both tire her out and make her happy for nap time.  We had so much fun and I realized that it really isn't that difficult to find these little fun things to sneak into our day.  I just have to stop sometimes and postpone a trip to the grocery store or forget about something that needs washing or cleaning and make time for it.  We actually spent an hour at the pet store this week which made both Bean and Pup Pup very happy.

And in the middle of all of our outings, there were a few moments where my heart nearly burst.  The biggest being the most simple.  I was walking in an outdoor shopping center with Bean.  She was holding my hand and we were walking down the sidewalk.  I looked down at her, at this amazing little girl who is growing and changing so much everyday, and I realized that she's mine.  She's my baby girl.  And I nearly lost it.  The dream that I had for so long and fought so hard for is here, with five little sticky fingers clutching my hand and firmly wrapped around my heart.  I am so blessed and so in love.  I will always remember that moment, so simple, but so special.  And that's what's going to keep me going when I'm up at 4 am with a very unhappy little girl who just wants to nurse and go back to sleep.  We can get through this, we will get through this, and maybe the journey actually isn't so bad.

1 comment:

  1. I know how hard this is for you. You're doing great!
    It's amazing to look at the little girl your miracle is becoming, I totally get that!