Well, Bean's in bed and for the first time in her life, I didn't nurse her at all today. In the last few days we moved her night-time feeding to before her bath. Today I offered her a smoothie (milk mixed with a little yogurt) instead and while she was very torn, and really wanted both, after she tasted the smoothie, she stuck with that. Obviously she's not going to get a smoothie before bed every night, but hopefully it will help in the transition.
This was a really hard process and I feel like I should be celebrating with a big glass of wine or something. Instead I just feel kind of sad. I know this is the right time and I know that in the end it will be the best thing for her. It makes me sad that she still loves it so much and we stopped it, and I think I realized today that I still loved it more then I was willing to admit. It was our time together. Precious moments when I got to stare at a beautiful little face that was blissfully happy. I know we'll have more special things and lots of blissful moments, but it's harder to let go then I realized it would be.
I hope it's not too hard from here on out though. I hope the next few days help us all move on and start the next chapter. I hope that sleepy times in this house get happier again. And I'm going to spend the next few hours before bed reminding myself how lucky I am to have experienced this at all, let alone for almost 18 months. When I started nursing Bean I said I'd be happy if I made it to 6 months, and then to a year, and now here we are at almost a year and a half. I am very blessed, and I do know that, even if my heart is a little heavy tonight.