Still here, waiting

Yesterday was emotionally a little tough.  I had my weekly OB appointment and unfortunately it was with the useless OB in the practice.  There are three doctors there and I really like two of them.  The third, in my opinion, is useless.  He was the one who decided to induce me a week after my due date with Bean.  Looking back, I don't know if that was the right decision.  I wouldn't change it because Bean and I both were healthy after and that was the main goal, but I see the flaws now that I'm outside the situation.  He also was trying to pressure me to go home after the c-section.  I went home a day before my insurance would have ended coverage and the average number of days for a c-section, but the day before I went home when he asked if I was ready and I said no, he said "you have to go home sometime you know."  That was pretty much the end of me listening to anything that he said.

So anyway, I've managed to avoid him as much as possible this pregnancy, but he was the only one with an appointment yesterday so I had no choice.  Which means I didn't have high expectations, but I was curious to see what was happening because I've been having contractions, especially this last weekend.  I saw him for maybe five minutes.  He checked my cervix so fast.  My appointment last week the doctor took his time to make sure he knew what was going on.  This week useless doctor just checked super fast and told me that there "wasn't really" a change.  Then he started talking to me about a c-section and how we can't "wait forever" and will need to start thinking about it. Which I know we'll have to do eventually if I don't go into labor on my own.  But I'm not there yet and my other doctors aren't either.  So I really don't care too much what this guy says.  I was just disappointed that I hadn't made more progress.  Although who knows, I don't even trust that he got that right.  I'll wait and see what happens this week and talk to one of the doctors I trust next week.

That in itself wouldn't have been so bad, just frustrating, but then I read that the hospital we're delivering at is restricting all visitors with flu like symptoms and all visitors under 18 for the time being.  Which means that Bean won't be able to come to the hospital when the baby is born.  Which broke. my. heart.  We've been telling Bean she can come as much as she wants to see us and the new baby.  She picked out a little gift to bring to the baby and I have a gift packed away in my hospital bag for her.  I can't imagine having her 15 minutes away and not being able to see her.  Literally, hubby and I have left her with someone three times in her life.  Twice for ultrasounds that they didn't allow kids at and once to go out to dinner.  Which is mostly by choice.  We don't have a huge number of people that we really feel comfortable leaving Bean with and only one of them lives nearby.  Even so, we really would rather do things with her then without her.

I don't know what to do.  Well, there isn't really anything I can do.  Hubby will spend as much time as Bean needs with her now that we know she can't come to the hospital.  I keep hoping something will change but I'm not holding out hope.  We haven't told her yet.  I just can't bring myself to do it.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to make hubby do it.  It makes me hope more and more that the VBAC is successful because it means I'll be home sooner.  I'm excited about having this baby and growing our family, it just breaks my heart that we can't do it all together.

All we can do now is wait really.  See what this baby wants to do.  Thankfully the bathroom is done.  Yay!!  We have one more thing we'd like to get done tomorrow night (hubby and I are going out to dinner to give Bean a chance to get used to not having us around at bedtime) and after that, we're as ready as we're going to be.  Thank you to everyone who is thinking of us.  I'm so hopeful that this baby will decide to come on her/his own but whatever happens happens.  I just want us both to be healthy and beyond that, we'll take it as it comes.