Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The next step

Just to warn anyone visiting from ICLW, I'm going to talk about my daughter a bit in this post so I understand if you don't want to stick around this time.

The next step towards getting back on the TTC road is weaning Bean. I have to admit that I have no idea how to begin and every time I get the guts to start, something happens. We were traveling a lot this summer, which seems like a horrible time to start, and now Bean is sick. She had a high fever last week and I took her to the doctor only to find out that she has strep throat. I felt so badly since I had no idea that her little throat was hurting her so and she couldn't tell me. She's starting to feel better but the antibiotic that she's on is doing it's job a little too well and her poor tummy isn't so happy. The only thing that has gotten us through the last week with any sleep at all is the fact that I'm still nursing. So I'm once again waiting until life gets back to some kind of normal before I take this on.

I have to say though that coupled with my worries about weaning, are my worries about sleep. Bean has had trouble sleeping ever since she was 4 months old. We have made incredible progress, but every time I feel like we're really on solid ground, we take a few steps back. This summer has really thrown us out of whack with all the traveling and mixed up schedules. I'm hopeful that when the fall comes, we'll have less distraction and she can get into a good rhythm again, but what if she doesn't? I worry that even when she's weaned, I won't really be ready to go through all the infertility stuff again or, if we're so lucky, be pregnant, because I'll still be exhausted. I don't know if I can do all this exhausted, so either we'll have to wait longer, or something will have to change.

So for now, we wait and see what happens. We wait for Bean to get well and things to settle down. We wait and hope that weaning is much easier then I'm anticipating and that hopefully her sleep will get back on track as we get back into our post-summer routine. But it's in the back of my mind a lot. I'm anxious about it. Infertility has this clock ticking in my head, making me worry about what kind of journey we have ahead of us and what I need to do to prepare for it, and how long it's all going to take, if it works at all. I don't want to rush Bean, I want us all to be ready for the next step in growing our family, whatever that may be.


  1. Bean is sick. She's not sleeping well. You don't want to rush her. You're anxious. Why not take a deep breath and settle into fall and see if any of these issues ersolve themselves. You know best. Being anxious is not the way to go into TTC. Good luck.
    Hi. I’m Tracey from the Fertility Daily (ICLW # 56).
    I’m an IVF mom of two, who blogs for my old RE as my way of giving back. I’m on a quest to help others TTC, especially those who can’t afford IVF. East Coast Fertility’s giving away a free Micro-IVF cycle and you can enter to win thru 8/28 at http://www.eastcoastfertility.com/about/blog/blog-entry/archive/2011/august/article/ecfs-extreme-family-building-makeover-video-contest/?tx_ttnews%5Bday%5D=01&cHash=a6f7a8f9f3d38be671d74bd524251f81
    Good luck and I hope your baby dreams come true.

  2. Weaning is a tough time, DS self weaned just shy of 12 months- I was a bit sad to be done with it, but was glad he did it on his own. My twins never did learn to nurse, so with them it wasn't an issue but there certainly was a mourning of not having that special relationship with them. How often does bean nurse these days? Any chance she will self wean? Best of Luck!

    ICLW #60

  3. Tracey: That's my plan exactly, to wait and see what happens for now and take it slow. No need to rush things and make a mess of it. Honestly though, I'm not sure if it's possible to go back into TTC without being anxious. I'm going to try to go into it with the best possible attitude though.

    Mamscales: I keep hearing of people whose kids self weaned and I just can't imagine it. Bean seems very attached to nursing, but maybe that's just my perception that I'm putting onto her. She was nursing about 2, sometimes 3 times a day before she got sick, but of course since she's been sick that's gone up. So we'll see what happens. I'm going to test the waters and see if it seems like she's ready before I go all in.

    Thank you to you both for the words of encouragement!

  4. Getting back into the ttc game for #2 is a challenge... and I so hear you about the ticking clock. Our wee sweet girl is 9 months old and I'm getting back into the the groove of temping and charting and all that. I too wonder if I will have the energy to be ttc/pregnant/dealing with GD again.

    As to weaning, all I can really suggest is keep doing what you're doing... follow her lead. Hoping she gets better real quick!

    ICLW #20

  5. Visiting from ICLW! I know what you mean about the ticking clock. I'm still working on #1 and am worried about how long it'll take to get #2, 3... I hate how time is NOT on our side.

    Best of luck.

  6. I would just take one day at a time. I know if I try to see everything at once, I want to run and hiding under the covers on my bed. I know it's hard when that clock is ticking crazily ahead.

    Life in the White House

  7. Here from ICLW (#44) and I recently weaned (I got sick of pumping in rental cars when I traveled for work - sucks) and there is a ton of guilt associated with it. Then my ped told me this when I asked him about the best time to wean "When it starts becoming a chore and stops being easy". You've made it 15 months be SUPER proud and give yourself a break if you're not there yet. Good luck!

  8. Everyone I talk to about this tells me that after they wean, children sleep better. That does not nudge me to want to wean though, despite the sleeping problems we have. I want to say that I hear your pain...
    You will find your balance and Bean will wean eventually and you will get back on the rollercoaster and you most probably think back and smile at all the worries you had.
    We just had an awful night, followed by the first night when George only woke up twice, at midnight and at 6 am. Beats me why is this so. It might be the vaccine and the chickenpox reaction, might be teething, whatever I give up. And try to sleep when I can. I cannot do anything about this. I just hope that when he is two, he will sleep longer and better.
    Wishing you better sleep,

  9. Weaning is such an emotionally charged issue. Take it slow and easy and find the best path for both of you.

    ICLW #19

  10. I think that you've given her a great gift for a long time...she's very lucky. Take it one step at a time. I'd wait until she feels well. She may just surprise you and sleep well. And if not...we'll all be here for you :-)