Just to warn anyone visiting from ICLW, I'm going to talk about my daughter a bit in this post so I understand if you don't want to stick around this time.
The next step towards getting back on the TTC road is weaning Bean. I have to admit that I have no idea how to begin and every time I get the guts to start, something happens. We were traveling a lot this summer, which seems like a horrible time to start, and now Bean is sick. She had a high fever last week and I took her to the doctor only to find out that she has strep throat. I felt so badly since I had no idea that her little throat was hurting her so and she couldn't tell me. She's starting to feel better but the antibiotic that she's on is doing it's job a little too well and her poor tummy isn't so happy. The only thing that has gotten us through the last week with any sleep at all is the fact that I'm still nursing. So I'm once again waiting until life gets back to some kind of normal before I take this on.
I have to say though that coupled with my worries about weaning, are my worries about sleep. Bean has had trouble sleeping ever since she was 4 months old. We have made incredible progress, but every time I feel like we're really on solid ground, we take a few steps back. This summer has really thrown us out of whack with all the traveling and mixed up schedules. I'm hopeful that when the fall comes, we'll have less distraction and she can get into a good rhythm again, but what if she doesn't? I worry that even when she's weaned, I won't really be ready to go through all the infertility stuff again or, if we're so lucky, be pregnant, because I'll still be exhausted. I don't know if I can do all this exhausted, so either we'll have to wait longer, or something will have to change.
So for now, we wait and see what happens. We wait for Bean to get well and things to settle down. We wait and hope that weaning is much easier then I'm anticipating and that hopefully her sleep will get back on track as we get back into our post-summer routine. But it's in the back of my mind a lot. I'm anxious about it. Infertility has this clock ticking in my head, making me worry about what kind of journey we have ahead of us and what I need to do to prepare for it, and how long it's all going to take, if it works at all. I don't want to rush Bean, I want us all to be ready for the next step in growing our family, whatever that may be.