I have one brother. He's three years older then I am and we are like night and day. Growing up we were the best friends and worst enemies at the same time. We got in some all out brawls. I resented him a lot because he was clearly my moms favorite. I can't tell you really how he felt about me. Since we've become adults we've mostly kept to ourselves. We talk several times a year and see each other maybe once a year. I don't lean on him or share with him or anything like that. Mostly I talk to him when I need to discuss something about our parents. And that makes me sad sometimes. But I have been lucky enough to find people in my life who feel like my siblings, even if none of the blood in our veins is the same. So I don't dwell on it.
Hubby has one older brother too. His relationship is much the same as mine except more complicated. I'll leave it at that because that's his story to tell, not mine. Needless to say though, neither of us have stellar sibling relationships and we've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why. My closets friends have siblings but none of them are really close. When I meet people who are close with their siblings, I end up asking too many questions I'm sure. They may feel like I'm interrogating them but I'm just so at a loss. How does that happen? Is it something parents create? Is it just a difference in the family as a whole or the siblings? I want to know more details, mostly because I want to do everything in my power to help Bean and Birdie really care about each other and want to spend time together.
So if you are willing, help me out please, and answer a few questions.
1) Do you have any siblings? Are they the same gender or different? What is the age difference?
2) What kind of a relationship do you feel like you have with your siblings? Do you have a clear picture as to how that came about?
3) No matter what kind of relationship you have, do you feel like your parents did do something to foster that or could they have done something to make it different?
4) Feel free to share anything else that you'd like.
I find the whole subject so curious. I know that there are people out there who talk to their siblings all the time, do things together, and are a regular part of each others lives. I just don't know those people! Please help!
I am very close to my siblings. I have an older sister, an older brother and a younger sister and we all see each other a lot and are close. Why? I can think of two reasons. Growing up, we all thought we were our parents favourite - they did a really good job there. Secondly, we have always had a lot of family gatherings that we all go to. We have had our moments as a family, there was a time I didn't talk to my older sister for about a year and my younger sister and I have always had our moments but we always come back together and certainly having kids has made the bond stronger. My husband is the oldest of 4 siblings who are all quite close. He thinks it is mainly because his mum drove a close family environment. I am hoping that helps a little.
ReplyDeleteI think the favoritism part is so important! I always knew my brother was my moms favorite and it had a profound impact on my relationship with my brother and my mom. So interesting, thank you!
DeleteIt's interesting to read this post, because I have the same issues, and I've always wanted to make sure that I did everything I could to have my children be close. Here's my answers:
ReplyDelete1) Do you have any siblings? Yes, 2. Are they the same gender or different? Both Brothers. What is the age difference? Both older than me, one is 4 years, one is 10 years older
2) What kind of a relationship do you feel like you have with your siblings? Not very close Do you have a clear picture as to how that came about? Yes and No. My oldest brother is a half brother, so mainly lived with his mom about an hour and a half away. I saw him regularly, but being that our age difference was so large and we didn't live together is why I think we're not that close. We mostly keep in contact through my parents (we share a dad). The other brother is my full brother, and like you we had our love/hate times through out our childhood. We had many times where we would physically go after each other. I think part of it was he was too smart for his own good, and felt that I was my mom's favorite (we spent a lot of time together doing my activities). He is now an addict of 20 years, and that's just not the lifestyle I want around my children on a regular basis (see my addiction post from a couple of weeks ago). Plus he lives in Colorado while I'm in Ohio.
3) No matter what kind of relationship you have, do you feel like your parents did do something to foster that or could they have done something to make it different? My dad wasn't really involved in our lives (yes, my parents are still married and he was there physically while we were growing up but not emotionally). I think if he had been more involved it would have helped a lot. Other than that I think it's just our different personalities and life choices that keep us not too close.
4) Feel free to share anything else that you'd like.
The last couple of years have been better, we talk much more often than we have in a long time (but still probably only a half dozen or so times a year, give or take). I think for me it's having children that has helped out. I kind of think it's what did it for him too.
For what it's worth - K was very close with his one brother. Part of it was K's personality; he's the peacekeeper. I don't think his parents really did anything to foster it, I think part of it was that he was 1 of 4 (all full siblings so all lived together) and they had to share their parents attention in a different way, and I honestly wonder if that had something to do with their closeness.
Sorry for the book!!
I love the book! I find it all so interesting and helpful. I am probably too obsessed with this, but I just really hope our girls are able to have a good relationship with each other. And I'm willing to do whatever I can to help that. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I don't have the same circumstances, but a lot of the outcomes are the same. Especially what you said about your dad and life choices. I certainly hope that because the make up of our family is different (hubby is very involved), then the outcomes might be different. I also feel like it seems like families with more kids have stronger sibling relationships (although I could be totally off base there). That's one of the reasons I started out wanting a whole bunch of kids!
DeleteI am an only child, so I have no idea. I do hope that growing up together, close in age, both my boys will forge a strong relationship and they will be best friends, since the rest of the family will be far away and most probably won't care. I can only hope and wish and pray.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel too Mina. We don't have a big extended family so I'm hoping that our girls will really be there for each other. Hope you're doing well!
DeleteI have three siblings, two younger sisters and one younger brother.
ReplyDeleteI am fairly close with all my siblings. We go through waves, but right now that's talking once or twice a week for an hour or two on the phone (with one sister) to hanging out once a week (a different sister) to coffee/phone dates once every couple of weeks (my brother). Sometimes we're in "closer" places, sometimes less close.
I think my parents are very much to thank for helping us become close. They both grew up in larger families with very strained relationships to their siblings, and they tried very hard to help us become close. I think some of the most important parts of that were them not showing favoritism, and them constantly encouraging us to be respectful of one another, and to think about one anothers' feelings/thoughts/experiences.
Again, I can't agree enough about the favoritism. This was so helpful, thank you!
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