The post that I want to write..

...is about Bean and about how tomorrow is her first birthday.  I want to write about how last year at this time I was in labor and was so close to meeting the little baby that I had longed for.  I want to write a tribute to the journey that was her arrival into the world.  And that's what I'm thinking about in my heart tonight, but my head is someplace else.  I found out that yesterday my aunt, who really is more like my second mom, had both of her breasts biopsied and it doesn't sound good.  It's amazing how quickly life can go from easy thoughts of happy times to the far end of the spectrum.  I've learned that before and yet it somehow still catches me off guard.  I have a lot going through my head right now, but mostly I'm just praying that this isn't going to end up the way it feels like it's going to end up.  I'm praying for good news at the end of this week as the results come in.  So tomorrow, I'll put this aside and think about cupcakes, and party decorations.  I'll be busy finding a way to get Bean's new play kitchen setup as a surprise for her.  I'll try to make the day as special for her as she's made the last year for me.  But not tonight, and I so wish that were different.